


A Way To Get Along

by kbvibes



Category: CrissColfer - Fandom, Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, Feelings, M/M, That's really it, That's the drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6206584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbvibes/pseuds/kbvibes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chianti does things to Darren's brain and it brings about conversations that, come morning, he may wish he'd never had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Way To Get Along

**Author's Note:**

> When you find a drabble you wrote months and months ago when Darren was in Italy for Smitten and promise [Meg](http://blainedoesaynil.tumblr.com) that you will eventually get it up to hurt other people than her with. Sorry, Meg. 
> 
> Italicized lyrics and aching CrissColfer feels courtesy of "[Me, Myself, & I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lm4_KGSfmY)" by Hanson

He's more than a few drinks into this end of another too long day of selling his smile. The salt laced air and potent Italian red wine make his tired eyes burn and water. He's going to pretend that's why. If you can’t lie to yourself, what else is left?

_"I'm walking the last bridge alone... We've given up on the good times and the bad we knew..."_

The only time he's been alone since they landed in Italy are these moments where he's shut away in his suite, free to drink himself into blessed oblivion. He's not sure if he likes the constant chatter of plastic people, but it does give him an excuse not to feel anything that goes beyond the surface. That's its own kind of comfort. He'll take them over _this_. Sad songs, wine, and a mind that’s too fatigued to pretend that he doesn’t feel old. 

_"When I'm alone in a cold dark room, well... There's still someone that I can tell my troubles to..."_

He's not too much of a man to admit that he's running away. That's exactly what this trip is. He gets to be halfway around the world from New York or LA or any and every thing that could serve as a knife in the gut reminder of what they've willingly decided to push to the back burner. Again. Another scrapped chapter in their never-ending novel of the right man in the perfect place at the wrong time. 

_"I don't want to get used to 'It's over...' but we've already said too much to make it new..."_

This project may be something he can't even pretend to feel any shred of excitement over, but at least it's far away from their usual bar and from goofy lilting laughs that haunt his sleep. Italian dialects are beautiful in their own way, flowing and melodious, but they're not _that_ sound.

_"Well, it's hard to see that you don't belong to me, when I gave you the best part of my life..."_

Maybe this is exactly what he needs right now. To go directly from one job to another without a chance for more than a single shuddering breath in-between. The distraction of work and the breathtaking natural beauty around him. Of adoring but nameless Italian boys and pretty, dark eyed women who could just be something simple and base. A need to be filled. He could do that, it's not like he hasn't been in that place before. He knows how well that works... In the short-term.

_"Well, I've tried to be everything that you want me to be..."_

Darren could do exactly that. Be loved and held and touched for a night at a time by strangers who he would never have the chance to... disappoint. Fuck. That was the worst part of all of it. So much worse than the yelling and the bitter resentment, the frustrated tears and even these next few excruciating weeks alone. It was seeing those gorgeous eyes turn steely gray and the utter disappointment in them.

That's why he can't do it. He can't stand the one-sided conversations in his own head over how disappointed he'd be in him if he went down that road again. Every step he takes and thing he does is enough of a letdown to what they used to lay in bed and whisper into bare chests and shoulders about one day being.

One day was supposed to be now. And it's not.

_"And I don't have to give you reasons why when all that's left is me, myself, and I..."_

He doesn't mean to do it. In the morning, Darren will blame it on exhaustion and the wine, but in the moment all he can think is that he needs something. He needs some small touchstone to feel like there's still something there, that _they_ still exist somehow. He needs a tangible thing to hold in his hand that's proof of the unnamed thing that they are and probably always will be. Black letters across the screen of his phone will have to do.

**Darren: You there?**

**Darren: Shit, are you awake?**

**Darren: I'm sorry**

He's ready to put his melodrama to bed, why would he be home or even willing to answer? He has no reason to. The way they ended things three weeks ago had been final enough. A slamming door and one last well-earned insult about what a fucking coward he is. He doesn't have to be told. He knows. But somehow, somehow, the little animated dots that indicate that somewhere in the world someone is taking a few seconds to reach out to his call appear in the lower left-hand corner of his screen. 

**Chris: It's the middle of the afternoon here. I know that's no guarantee when it comes to me, but alas yes, I'm awake. Hi Darren.**

**Darren: Hi**

**Darren: Can I ask you something?**

**Chris: You're going to anyway, so let's hear it.**

Darren takes the phone to bed leaving his mostly full fifth glass of chianti behind on the balcony railing. It's served its purpose well. He'll sleep soon and Darren's been presented with a comfort. Just not the one he expected.

_"I'm not gonna try to forget... Maybe happiness is worth the chance of a bitter end..."_

**Darren: Someone asked me today if I think that the whole perfect love and happily ever after exists**

**Darren: And I'm not really sure how I answered, but halfway through my rambling platitudes I realized that I don't believe that it does**

**Chris: I'm sorry to hear that, but that isn't exactly a question.**

**Darren: Touché**

**Chris: I try.**

**Chris: What do you really want to say here, Darren? Just say it.**

**Darren: Will I ever get another chance to have my mind changed**

**Darren: This over wasn't really... over was it? We don't do the finite things**

**Chris: Don't do this. Please. It's not fair. It's not good for either one of us.**

**Darren: Because I don't know how to handle that**

**Chris: Fucking Christ**

**Darren: You just added a T to your name**

**Chris: You aren't funny.**

**Darren: I am so... Chris, just.... Please, just tell me either way. Is there going to be a time and a place where we pick this up again? I can't not know**

**Chris: I honestly don't know, Darren.**

**Darren: You're not saying no though**

**Darren: That's what I needed. I needed you to not say no**

**Chris: I didn't say we could either Dare. I don't know what I think or feel right now.**

**Chris: It could be a long time. I can't do what you're doing right now.**

**Darren: That's okay, that's fine.**

**Darren: I'd wait for however long it takes**

**Chris: Don't say that. Don't wait forever. Because I can't say it back.**

**Chris: I can't wait around for you anymore. I won't.**

**Darren: I know**

**Darren: I know that**

**Darren: I just needed to know that sometime, somehow there was some small distant chance**

****Darren: That someday wasn't completely off the table for you and me** **

****Chris: I can't say one way or the other. I'm not going to just wait for you to figure out all your shit.** **

****Chris: Not again.** **

****Darren: You don't have to** **

****Darren: I'd never ask you to do that** **

****Chris: Sure you wouldn't.** **

****Darren: I'll see you someday** **

****Chris: I know you're drunk. Go to sleep, Darren. Water, tylenol, whatever the hell you need.** **

****Chris: I have stuff to do here.** **

****Darren: Okay goodnight/afternoon** **

**Chris: Yeah, bye.**

_"Cause here at the end of the road, I don't really care who's right... I'll give you the last word tonight..."_


End file.
